Rusty passed today at 3pm. He had gotten so bad that it was just time. He went peacefully to sleep on the vet table with my Mom and Dad by his side.
We are all devastated. This has been a long process for all of us, and I had once thought that when he finally passed that there would be some kind of relief, but I don't feel that right now. I don't think my parents do either. I know that grief and mourning all takes time and goes in stages, but it is hard to even think of when I will feel better about this.
I know that every pet is a member of the family, but we (the Smith's) took that phrase to a whole different level. Smith dogs are always on equal level with us, almost treated like human beings. Truth be told, we like dogs better than we like people on the whole. And Rusty was an exceptional dog. I think that he was the best dog that I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with. (Sorry, Buddha, you run a very close second). I know that people say this of their dogs all the time, but Rusty truly acted like a human being. He even talked back to you when you asked him a question. He would wine out a human sounding response.
Sometimes he got mad that Mom was talking on the phone instead of paying attention to him, and he would yell at her (again with these human sounding whines).
When he first came to us (my dad found him on the side of the road and rescued him) we called him Rusty pretty early on. Do you remember "Sit, Ubu, sit...good dog" that used to be on tv? I started joking that we should call him Ubu. My mom laughed at this and said, "Yeah, can you imagine being in the vet waiting room- Ubu? Ubu Smith?" We had a good laugh at that, and though Rusty was always his name (Russ for short), Ubu became my pet name for him. I would yell this loud and drawn out and it would always get him wagging his tail and running towards me.
To borrow from another phrase that I have heard before, they called you a rescue dog, and you were. Your love rescued me.
Rusty saved me from myself when we got him. I was heading down some wrong paths and he helped me find the right ones again. His love and affection was like a beacon in the night to this ship. He found me and brought me home.
He has also been a companion and loving son to my parents in the years since I left the nest. He was faithful, obedient, loving and the finest of company.
He will always be with me, and all of us, watching over me.
Remember this picture that I found what appears to be the face of a golden retriever behind me on the rocks? He will always be right there. Watching over me.
I try to find comfort in these two poems that I have frequently passed on to clients whose loving pets have passed on. Now I find myself needing them more than ever.
But they still make me cry.
The House Dog's Grave (Haig, an English bulldog)
Robinson Jeffers, 1941 I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment,
You see me there.
So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.
I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the night through
I lie alone.
You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope than when you are lying
Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.
No, dear, that's too much hope: you are not so well cared for
As I have been.
And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided ...
But to me you were true.
You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.
Rainbow Bridge Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown... There is peace to be found in these words. I guess. I'm not finding much right now, but with time I suppose I might.
This is what I know.
Rusty, I will always carry you in my heart.
I look at this picture below and my heart warms.
I will always be holding you in this embrace, lovingly in my arms.
You will always be there with me my friend.
Always.
Please pray for my parents and my family. And for Rusty.
Love,
Steve
