SCARY MOVIE DIALOGUE QUIZ

I had a Scary Movie Dialogue quiz on Facebook on Halloween day/night. Here are all of the questions. Answers are below the questions. Try to answer them yourself!


#1:..."Only when I say so! Only when I say!"...
#2:..."We may not enjoy living together...but dying together isn't going to solve anything.."
#3:..."Come to Daddy..."
#4:..."This is no dream, this is really happening!"
#5:..."You're crazy to know who I am, and what I am..."
#6:..."...hope it doesn't rust the barrel..."
#7:..."Thank you... have a nice day."
#8:..."The only person who could miss with this gun is the sucker with the bread to buy it."
#9:..."I need the child...before the blood changes..."
#10:..."There's an old fella named Jack who lives downriver, but he woundn't treat any hospitality towards them. Oh, and there was some kind of Army test site way up on top of the mountain. But that closed down five, six years ago."
#11:..."I'm running this monkey farm now Frankenstein and I wanna know... what the fuck you’re doing with my time?"
#12:..."Call me. Dial your number. Go ahead. "
#13:..."Well, hi. What are you doing out in this mess? "
#14:..."The Han River is very broad, Mr. Kim. Let's try to be broad-minded about this. Anyway, that's an order. So, start pouring. "
#15:..."Well if he come near you again, I'm gonna bust his liver lose if he tries to touch you!"
#16:..."Madam, are you traveling alone?" "All alone." "Should I wake you for Pittsburgh?" "No, I'm going to New York." "The Big Apple?" "Right." ... "Thank you, and goodnight!"
#17:..."Is that you, little man?"
#18:..."Get out of the grave, Alan. Get out of the grave and let an artist show you how to call a curse down on Satan! "
#19:..."Never stray from the path, never eat a windfall apple and never trust a man whose eyebrows meet in the middle."
#20:..."Do you know anything about aphids? "
#21:..." I don't mind telling you, this place is infested."
#22:..." Of all the places in all the world my dad could have picked to build his dealership, he picked the one right down the street from Walking Dead Central."
#23:..." Sorry, Dan. My idea of perfection is a voice on the phone."
#24:..."How can he go so fast? "
#25:..."You're gonna need me in the evening, you just don't know it yet. "
#26:..."There are many strange legends in the Amazon."
#27:..."That's so sweet it's painful. "
#28:..." OH! How lovely! Nobody knows it's my birthday! I've stopped counting..."
#29:..."I believe I will go back to the Double Bar B Ranch..."
#30: (SUDDEN DEATH) ..."Do not venture outside"
BONUS:..."Not true! My hair stinks! This dress stinks! Look, this whole thing is disgusting! These sleeves on this go back and forth! What am I gonna do? "


ANSWERS


1. Poltergeist
2. Night of the Living Dead
3. Hellraiser
4. Rosemary's Baby
5. The Invisible Man
6. The Devil's Rejects
7. Chopping Mall
8. Dawn of the Dead
9. The Guardian
10.Pirahna
11.Day of the Dead
12.Lost Highway
13.Friday the 13th
14.The Host
15.Squirm
16.Martin
17.Trilogy of Terror
18.Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things
19.The Company of Wolves
20.Bug (2006)
21.Graveyard Shift
22.Children of the Living Dead
23.The Fog
24.Duel
25.Carnival of Souls
26.Creature From The Black Lagoon
27.Day of the Woman AKA I Spit on Your Grave
28.Bug(1975)
29.Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula
30.Night of the Living Dead
BONUS:Demons 2

My Favorite Bad Movies: Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula

Well, it's been awhile since I have put in an entry in this series, and I have been watching some REAL stinkers of late, so I will kick back into the Favorite Bad Movies series with this schlocker from 1966.
It stars (and I use this term loosely) John Carradine,Chuck Courtney as William 'Billy the Kid' Bonney, and Melinda Plowman as Betty Bentley, love interest of Billy, and lust object of "Dracula".
First of all, this movie should have been called "Dracula is a Dirty Old Man", but unfortunately, that title is already taken. The movie begins with John Carradine's character sharing a stagecoach with a tubby whiskey salesman, and an old woman and her brother. The stagecoach is travelling at night (? Is that really supposed to be night?) because vampires don't hold up under the sun too good, natch. The old broad regales "Dracula" with details of her life and reasons for travel, ignoring a crucial horror movie rule: never tell a stranger wearing a top hat and cape and a big clown-like bow tie too much about where you are headed to, who you are going to see, and why.
She prattles on about her niece, who lives on the "Double Bar B" ranch, so named for old talky broad's husband, since passed away. She went up to Boston to fetch her Brother, who was going to help old talky broad on the ranch, now that talky old broad's husband is dead. She informs "Dracula" that her daughter "Betty" has never met her Uncle, whose name we learn is James Underhill.
Still with me?
Still awake?
It's been like 10 minutes of the movie so far.
Wake me up when the killing starts.
At this point, old talky broad's brother, who seemed to be trying to sleep through his sister's tedious conversation, wakes up long enough to say "Easy - remember, your heart..."
Which I guess means that she can't even talk without risking a heart attack, which was a first for me to hear. She tells "Dracula" that her daughter is "18 and beautiful", upon which his eyes look like they are going to come out of his sockets. She whips out a photo and asks if "Dracula" would like to see it.
The eyes get even bigger if that is at all possible, and he says one of my favorite lines, "18 and beautiful? Yes, I'd like to see it!"
Ok, let this be a warning to you, mothers everywhere. When an old man ogles your daughter's picture and then repeats "18 and beautiful", as his eyes look like they might be on the verge of popping out, you might want to call the cops ASAP. Just saying.
Speaking of the old coot, why I keep saying "Dracula" in quotations is this: they never ever really say that he IS Dracula. He never says that. The name "Dracula" is never even uttered once in the film. So why the title is as it stands is beyond me, and probably most of the other people who saw the film. Which is probably about 45 people, including me.
"Billy the Kid" actually is supposed to be the notorious William H. Bonney, here played by Chuck Courtney, who I have to admit is sort of dreamy in a 60's way. Nice blue eyes. William is "reformed" now, and is trying to live a clean life with his girl, Melinda Plowman as Betty Bentley (daughter of talky old broad). Betty Bentley muses that after she and Billy are married they will be Betty Bonney and Billy Bonney.
No, this is actually a scene. I'm not kidding.
Well...what drags on from here is predictable and a snoozery. But do I recommend it? Absolutely! It is perfect for a lazy Saturday afternoon fraught with laughs,or perhaps if you are in a deep coma and not expected to awaken any time soon. It is full of bad rubber bat effects, bulging old man eyes, Red flashlights pointed at faces "special effects", and one of my favorite death of a vampire scenes ever captured on film.
Watch it below...




Oh yes...bullets won't stop him...but throw a gun in his face and he's down for the count.
Brilliant.
This made the movie totally worth sitting through. I laughed until I cried, actually.
So check out Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula if you are a masochist for this stuff like I am.
Or if you are in a coma.
You will definitely be entertained for a second or two.
Maybe.
SGS

TARANTULA!!!

I watched this film this morning at like 6AM (I couldn't get back to sleep). I am in total love with it! I LOVE this trailer..."Dynamite CAN'T STOP IT!!"
Enjoy...

Keeping Afloat...

Well, as always, life goes on. Katie passed on Friday, and my family has been mourning her loss. In the interim, much has gone on.
I told you all earlier that I was going to start the tanning salon job last Thursday. That got postponed till (today) Tuesday. So I will teach children, then drive straight to the tanning salon. Details to follow.
I am financially in wreckage since SPIDERWOMAN closed, and yes I have several projects upcoming, including A SMILE TO HIDE THE PAIN at Signature in June, and an upcoming cabaret there in July, I am trying to make a living on many part time jobs. This is NO living. I had hoped for employment theatrically this summer, but that has fallen through, so it's CANDLES, teaching camp, Tanning Salon, and TICKETplace for me all summer. Sleep? I'll sleep when I'm dead.
So also adding to this attempt at making what I would were I employed gainfully theatrically, I agreed to do lawn maintenance on a beloved friend's yard this coming Sunday. This was a fantastic development, as I often forget that I know what the hell I am talking about when it comes to landscaping (a career that I careered out of back in 2005). Walking through his yard and observing what needed attention with the trimmers, I was reminded what an eye I do have for lawn care and maintenance, and was actually excited to start work on it Sunday. Anyone need lawnwork? I love transforming something. Whatever the product that I am transforming is: an old piece of furniture that I refurbish, pieces of cloth and rubber into a ghoul, wax blocks into candles, whatever the clay, I love to shape it.
Can I just say that ...wow...gas is almost $4??? Food is more expensive than ever....a clear measure of that is this: I bought 2 ears of corn tonight for $1.00.
This same time last year (I always hanker for corn on the grill this time of year), I could buy 4 ears for a dollar. This is only a small indication of how your money flies out of your pockets. With a piece-meal life like mine, when you are broke one month and barely treading water the next, it gets trickier.
On a movie front, I am REALLY into mutated nature-creature films right now. Mainly from the 50's...(atomic age radiation based terror of giant crabs and spiders attacking a city)...just becuase they make me happy. I feel like this genre of horror is going to make an Eco come back soon. It is the next phase of horror now, as environmental horrors are larger than ever. Horror will go here next. You wait and see. Soon enough giant insects will ravage Washington, DC on the silver screen again.
Eco-horror has been high on my must watch lists of Netflix rentals. More on this soon.
What else?
I saw the Stephen Schwartz Project at Metro Stage, which has one week left. I enjoyed it, and while I had a few issues with staging, thought that the ALL DC CAST sang their ASSES off, and sounded amazing. Go check it out, the tickets are inexpensive.
I also reconnected with another friend tongiht, who recently installed an addition into her house, and a lap pool into her house. (hence the photo at the top of this post). We swam and had a great time tonight. We will surely be going over there more in the future.










Oh, it also has a High Def TV that you can watch as you are swimming...ahh, the life...








SO all in all, life is hand to mouth for me, as it is for most.
I am exploring cabaret themes right now, and have stumbled upon (thanks to Matt and my Mom) a funny premise that I will just say would be a TV show setting. More to come on this hatching idea.
So, in closing on this early Tuesday morning, if you need candles, lawn care, or a man to sing his ass off, call me. I'm free all summer.
;)
Love,
Stephen

My Favorite Bad Movies: Bug and Ticks

TAGLINE: "They Look Like Rocks...Possess A High Intelligence...Have No Eyes...And Eat Ashes...They Travel In Your Car Exhaust...They Make Fire...They Kill!"





Welcome to an insect infested episode of My Favorite Bad Movies. This month, I wanna talk about these two creepy crawlies that I received in my earlier plea for VHS movies so that I could make my summer redneck fantasy of watching horror films on VHS out in my back yard come true. These were two of the films that I had the pleasure? of watching outdoors this summer (before the heat drove me and any sane person indoors to watch tv where god intended it to be watched.)
We'll start with my preferred of the two: BUG (1975)
For those in attendance at my cabaret last month, you might remember that I made mention of this film's AMAZING tagline during the show. Ok, so i GOT IT WRONG AND PARAPHRASED A LITTLE, BUT STILL...close enough for jazz.
The movie, written by schlock maven William Castle, and based on a novel! called The Hephaestus Plague by Thomas Page, concerns "an earthquake which releases a strain of mutant cockroaches with the ability to start fires, which proceed to cause destructive chaos in a small town". Right.
So there's the basic idea. Are we all following so far? A pyromaniac strain of cockroach is released from the bowels of the earth after a quake, and they hitch rides in people's exhaust pipes.
They set a cat on fire (really weak special effects of fur burning while cat yowls are dubbed in), set a woman's blond bouffant hair-don't on fire (I'm still laughing about that one), and later on in the film's strange "mad scientist trying to study this new species" sub plot, they even learn how to spell, arranging themselves in threatening phrases to warn the mad scientist that his time is coming. Yes...I said it. They spell.
Another fun piece of trivia: The room number of the mad scientist's lab that he loses his mind in is room number 1408, which is also the number of the ill fated hotel room in Stephen King's short story, and then movie. I wonder if Stephen is a fan of this film too?
The film credits "Electronic Music by Charles Fox", which makes me chuckle, just the fact that it was billed as "Electronic Music". It serves the film well, though, providing just the kind of music that you would imagine a fire starting cockroach would creep around to...
The 70's were ripe with bugs gone wild flicks, from killer bees to tarantulas, but this one took it one step further than that, if at all possible. By the time that the over the top mutated bugs fly from their fault line into the air, you are gleefully right with them all, hoping that they will burn the whole village full of idiots. The sub plots are so funny to me, and I REALLY love the scene where a woman is planning a little party, and picks up her "cake-taker" (remember those?) and doesn't know that ...THERE IS A "BUG" ON THE BOTTOM OF IT!
The seventies style clothes and furniture are ample fodder for the bugs to burn, and I shrieked with delight when I watched the same beige/brown/yellow/orange floral print couch that we used to have in our living room growing up, burn up after a "bug" had torched it.
The scientific explanation is that these bugs basically ignite their own flatulence with the spark of rubbing their rear legs together. Yes, that's right. And the actors deliver these lines with a deadpan face. They deserve an Oscar, just for that. So these bugs run around town farting and lighting it on fire, and housewives, cats, floral print couches, bad beehive hair-don'ts, and cake-takers are laid to waste in their trail, while all the while the scientist goes crazier and crazier trying to find out what makes them tick.
As always, it takes a twisted nugget like me to really appreciate a film like this, but if you are just the slightest bit askew in the cranium department, please check this stinker out.
Speaking of what makes things tick...



"[to his dead rodent, which has been attacked by ticks]
Jarvis Tanner: Dude, you're all messed up! "

I first saw this stink bomb in high school. Ticks (1993) This film concerns "Teens camping in a northern California retreat are terrorized by mutant insects created by evil, polluting pot farmers, that will throw them into a terrifying fight for their lives!" Well the last thing you want to mess with is "evil, polluting pot farmers". Let alone "Evil, polluting pot farmers who create mutant insects".
Wouldn't you think that the "evil, polluting pot farmers" would be, I don't know. Just a little too mellow to take all of the trouble to "create mutant insects". Yes, they may pollute...may even be evil, but...I don't know..."Creating mutant Insects" seems like WAY too much effort for a pot farmer.
The cast features actors like Seth Green, Ami Dolenz, and Alfonso Ribeiro (Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air). And I have to say, however thin the plot is, the little tick critters are pretty creepy. Kind of remind me of the "face-huggers" from the Alien films, but still creepy. Maybe that is just because I am terrified of ticks in general...I find the idea of a foreign insect attaching itself to my skin and sucking my blood while possibly giving me a disease while i am unbeknownst to the whole thing, playing volleyball in the park near the woods where the "evil, polluting pot farmers" are stirring up tick soup just frightening beyond words.
Really, I can't even tell you much about the plot, because it escapes me. I was too busy squirming and thinking about ticks creeping around my back yard, smoking stogies and waiting for the next pink lump of flesh to latch on to. The film is middle of the road mid nineties fare, but scores big creep out points for me, just because..well...ticks are creepy, man. It's also funny to see "Carlton" from Fresh Prince play a hardened street thug. heh.
And as you might think, and as with many "mutant insect" movies, these ticks are bigger than average. They are about the size of your fist. Then there is (of course) one HUGE mamma-jamma tick which like scales a house at the end. (There is always a big one, isn't there?) The whole film, I kept thinking, "Man..they need to call Sigourney Weaver. She'd know what to do!"
So of these two creepy crawlie features, I side with the former, just based on the 70's kitch nostalgia factor alone. (And the "electronic music"). But both are wonderful additions to your "Nature Gone Wild" section of your movie collection.
Come on.
You have one of those, right?
No?
I'm the only one?
*sigh*
OK..those are the stinkers of the month.
Lessons learned: Stay away from fault lines, flatulent pyromaniac cockroaches, "evil, polluting pot farmers", summer camps outdoors...in fact, just stay indoors. Stay indoors and lather yourself up with DEET. Take a DEET bath, and whatever you do, don't let the bugs in.
SGS

My Favorite Bad Movies: Martin and Children of the Living Dead

Well folks, I am a little bit under the weather with a cold. I am more annoyed than anything about it. I hate colds, they are so pointless. When I am sick, however, I turn back into a 10 year old.
When I was little and I was home sick from school, my mom and dad would make a tent for me with a card table and a blanket, putting pillows inside and a vaporizer as well. The tent would park right in front of the TV, and the TV would be turned to TBS, usually. Back in those days (80's) TBS played some of the trashiest old horror flicks during their day time programming. I remember watching Attack of the Crab Monsters, The Unseen, Mausoleum, Motel Hell,Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula, and Bug to name a few that stick out in my memory on these sick days. Bug's tag line is especially catchy and to the point...
"They Look Like Rocks...Possess A High Intelligence...Have No Eyes...And Eat Ashes...They Travel In Your Car Exhaust...They Make Fire...They Kill!"
Well, I didn't watch Bug today, but I paid a visit to some of my other all time stinkers.
On the bill today:
Chopping Mall

and Flesh Eater, (look at her hair!)



Both of which have been previously covered on this very website.


Any movie that has lines like these:
Woman: How's come you never kiss me like that? {looking at another couple making out}
Man: Maybe if you had tits like her, I would!
Woman: Go straight to hell!

Yes lines like that delivered by people who look like this:


that is worth its weight in gold to me.






Next on the bill:
Martin


Martin is about a modern day vampire, or is it? The movie opens with a suspenseful scene of a youngish man sneaking into a lady's cabin on an overnight train ride. You see him sneak in while she is in the shower. He hides and waits until the moment is right for him to spring out at her. But does he bite her? No. He is not a vampire in that kind of way. He injects her with a sedative, then cuts her with a razor, and drinks from her while she is asleep.
One is never sure if he is truly a vampire, or is just crazy. The movie evokes a sad feeling of extreme loneliness throughout. There is scene where he breaks into this woman's house that he has been watching. He thinks that she is supposed to be alone, and when he breaks into her bedroom, he sees another man there. He has to think quickly so he stabs the man with some of the syringe made for her and quickly runs out. He hides in the den as the couple frantically fuss with the phone trying to call the police, but Martin is crouched in the dark, holding the phone in the den and punching in random numbers as she tries to dial, not allowing the call to go through. He finally gets another shot (so to speak) at getting the man with the syringe again, and soon is upon the woman again in a stressful sequence of running and slamming doors behind him, he seems to have the house mapped out, trapping the woman in the web of her own home. It is an incredible sequence.


There are also supposed flashback sequences shot in black and white, indicating that Martin has truly been alive for hundreds of years, although we are never sure if it is in his head or true. The movie if framed with the device of a radio talk show host, presumably late at night interviewing Martin, who calls in late at night after he has finished a feeding. The radio host thinks that the guy is a nut and takes the calls as a goof, but you can tell that Martin is using the calls as therapy. They occur throughout the film. Actually, this film should not be under my favorite "Bad" movies, but simply my favorite movies, as it is a truly great film, made by the masterful George Romero. I think why it is so scary is the whole element of home invasion. That is just one of the most terrifying things to even think about.
On to the next movie, which is definitely a stinker.
Children of the Living Dead

I from time to time watch bits of this because it cannot be watched in its entirety. Your head will explode. I'm not kidding. It is just that bad.
The plot concerns a "spooky story" about a local criminal named "Abbot Hayes". Abbot's mother dressed him as a girl as he was growing up, torturing him mentally, which led to him killing his mother, then doing the same to countless women. He was caught and sent to jail, where he was murdered in prison. (Big shock).
Then, well gosh darn it all, every now and again in this little area of Pennsylvania, dead things come back to life. "It's been happening since '68" a character says, alluding to the year that "Night of the Living Dead" came out. Not that this movie is even fit to be mentioned in the same sentence as Night, however.
Abbot Hayes comes back, and seems to have some sort of magical powers. He also seems to have put on a troll mask and gloves, because his hands and head are larger than they were when he was alive...oh whoops! That is supposed to be what he looks like as a zombie. wow. nice costume. He nances about the forest of the town, and I do mean he nances, remember: his momma dressed him as a girl. Is that? Yes I do believe that it is lipstick that Abbot wears!
Some of the line readings in this movie make my teeth hurt.
Horrible cliche lines like, "Of all the places in all the world my dad could have picked to build his dealership, he picked the one right down the street from Walking Dead Central." are delivered by horrible actors.
This is just a tortuous movie, but worth watching in little installments. It is good for a giggle if nothing else at Abbot Hayes, the super zombie cross dresser.
Here's a horrible clip.


Well, that's all I have time for today. I think I'm gonna go take more vitamins and crap. Take care of yourselves!
luv, SGS