Barrel Turns

Ok...so I had a long day at the Arena. Big news.
The show is going great, I am doing a good job in it...I hope...except for one thing.
I have such shitty barrel turns it isn't funny....I never could do them.
Baayork had a pass of barrel turns in Gypsy at Signature 5 years ago (the last time I worked with her), and I never quite mastered them then either.
Not a barrel turner. But barrel turns have SO much to do with one trusting one's self. Trusting one's own balance and strength.
I seem to lack this in my own self....hmmmm....therapy time, perhaps?
This is my situation with dance...I took tap for YEARS when just an urchin.
Tap is NOT a backbone for normal dance at all...it teaches you little..
If this were a tap show, I'd be your guy, but it is unfortunately not...
When I tested into classes for dance in college, I was too good for beginner classes, and too bad for advanced, so I fell in the middle...where most already knew the basics....
I didn't.
I have had to play catch up, learning terminology and posture most of my professional career.
I went to the Damn Yankees audition hoping to be a Smokey or Rocky...singing and being a character actor but not dancing like the dancer boys...
But someone thought I could be ONE of the dancer boys, and hence my tumult.
I AM NOT A DANCER!
I've always been a mover, but that is all.
Is this challenging me and stretching me?
Of course....
Am I doubting myself and terrified at the downbeat of "Shoeless Joe"?
You're damn skippy.