soup...(a condensed story)

What time is it? 6pm. One hour before I jump in the car, and drive the purple station wagon down to Metro Stage. Soup time. I usually eat chicken noodle soup for dinner during show nights. I can't eat anything that really is a trigger for my acid-reflux, and I don't want to eat anything too heavy, as I really don't have time for offstage burps. Or God forbid anything else.
The soup, as you all know, is pretty bland so it works well enough. The broth is also a nice warm treat for my vocal chords.
When I used to be asked by my cast mates what I had for dinner, after about the fifth time of answering soup, they got the picture. I told them that I had been eating so much soup that my last name should be Campbell.
Sometimes, Felicia will ask me out of the blue between shows, "Are you going home? What are you going to eat?".
I'll look at her and say, "What's my last name?".
She nods, knowingly.
Matt Pearson started worrying about my sodium levels since I was eating so much soup. I eased his fears by informing him, "no-no...I eat Healthy Request Soup. No worries." He shook his head and walked away laughing.
But about three weeks ago, Matty (my Matt) volunteered to make me my soup dinner while I walked Buddha. I came back and looked at what seemed to be a HUGE bowl of soup.
"How many cans did you make?", I asked Matt.
"Just one, honey.", he said.
I thought to myself that it must have been a large can. Oh well.
I started to eat it. Hmm...it tasted awfully bland. I even asked Matt if it were a different brand. He said no.
The next day around dinner time, Matt was in the kitchen fixing dinner, and I joined him, making my soup. He watched as I poured the can into the pot on the burner, and then went back to flipping my grilled cheese in the skillet.


"Aren't you going to add any water, honey?", he asked.
"NO! Why? That's why it tasted funny yesterday! I thought it tasted watered down!"
I felt like Sherlock Holmes, just having solved the mystery of a century. A great "A-HA!" moment. Water in the soup? No way, man. That's like when people put water in red sauce to make more of it, but what ends up happening is that they have a whole bunch of thin, runny, and nasty sauce. I hate that.
"But honey, you're supposed to...it's condensed soup."
I pondered this for a minute.
"Doesn't it taste horrible without water? It must be like eating pure salt!", Matty said.
I pondered more. Condensed?
"But I have never added water to it.", I said.
Suddenly I felt a wave of stupidity, mixed with embarrassment, mixed with hysterics.
I became what I can't stand: just like every man who doesn't ever read instructions or directions because he knows he must be right.
We both had a huge laugh about the whole situation.
The next time I made soup, I used the recommended amount of water. Still blah. Tasted like water with some noodles in it.
So, I met the instructions half way. Half the amount. Which is how I eat it now.
Do I miss eating condensed soup without water added? A little.
Do my arteries? Not one bit.
With that, I have just finished my soup, so should go wash my dirty dishes and throw a sweater on. Time to go to work.
Have a warm, fuzzy, flannel blanket, cup of hot cocoa, curl up on the couch and watch old movies kind of evening. And if you have not yet, come and see tick,tick...BOOM! (10 remaining performances!)
Talk to you soon,
SGS