Saturday, July 19, 2008
Where is the steering wheel?
Well...last night was interesting. The audience had a good time. I learned a lot about the show, what works, what doesn't, what needs to be honed in on more, and what angles need to be cut out.
I am still compiling all of this information and feedback in my head. The show that I did last night was made up on the spot. Entirely. It contained elements of the original idea, but was not the complete original idea.
I think what my problem is is this: I am an ambitious dreamer. I want to give people an entertaining, hysterical, irreverent and enjoyable evening. I want them to identify with the places the human brain can go when left to its own devices late at night. The problem is that I bring SO much to the table that I tend to lose myself in all of the everything else. I got stuck in an idea of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood as torture late at night as it gets stuck in my brain and keeps reoccurring.
Hence the puppets that you see below.
This idea started to force me into a creative corner, and I was getting stuck there.
At 6:30pm last night, after I sound checked and had already gone through my show order and lights, I went home and had a meltdown.
Not kidding, here. A serious meltdown. Most of this, funny enough, is because the cabaret about not being able to get to sleep has done the same thing to me in my real life. I have been working 4 jobs while trying to put all of this together in my living room, with no director or editor's eye. And all on about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night.
And when I came home, I realized that I had bit off more than I could chew. There was simply not enough time to pull off all that I wanted to do. I had roughly 20 minutes to load in my set and props.
I realized that this would not afford me the time to devote to everything that I had intended.
I sat in my house with my ever valiant partner and he helped me to simplify the big mess that I had made for myself. The resulting evening was far less of a disaster than it would have been without his help. I really and truly don't know what in the world I would do without Matt Conner. He is everything.
So, long story short...last night, while fun, was a sort of hodge podge of what I had originally intended. Tonight, I have honed down many elements, cut some songs, and am much more aware of what I am doing.
You have no idea how terrifying it is to stand on a stage and look out at all of you wonderful people and feel like I am not doing the best that I can do. To fear that I am not entertaining you. From the wonderful feedback I heard from last night, I am gathering that I did entertain you.
But last night was about many things, and last night is over.
Tonight, I'm taking this horse's reigns back in my own hands. I'm driving the bus tonight, and you are in for a wonderful ride.
Till it's time for beddy-byes,